watch out for potholes

Goat Wirx

2009-07-09T21:26:00.004-06:00

Yes, I am aware that since I found Facebook that my posting to this blog has been minimal. Thank you to all out there that have checked back now and then.

I am posting to let you all know that I am slowly but surely developing and Etsy page for Goat Wirx. The link is www.goatwirx.etsy.com

Come check it out as it grows!

ALSO, Goat Wirx will be appearing this Saturday, 7/11, at The Downtown Farmer's Market. I will be conveniently located on the south side along 4oo S. Come on by if you are in the neighborhood!

Earth Jam

2009-04-08T16:49:00.002-06:00

Come and see me at Earth Jam.
www.earthjam.org

April 25-26 at Liberty Park here in Salt Lake City!

Goat's Dazzlemporiam wil be there featuring all sorts of great pagan trinkets

The Courage Campaign

2009-02-19T22:53:00.000-07:00

Hi,

Have you heard that Ken Starr -- and the Prop 8 Legal Defense Fund -- filed legal briefs defending the constitutionality of Prop 8 and attempting to forcibly divorce 18,000 same-sex couples that were married in California last year? The Supreme Court will hear oral arguments in this case on March 5, with a decision expected within 90 days.

The Courage Campaign has created a video called "Fidelity," with the permission of musician Regina Spektor, that puts a face to those 18,000 couples and all loving, committed couples seeking full equality under the law.

Please watch this heartbreaking video now. If you have the same reaction that I did, please help me spread the word by sharing it with your friends and family ASAP:

http://www.couragecampaign.org/Divorce

The more people who see this video, the more people will understand the pain caused by Prop 8 and Ken Starr's shameful legal proceeding.

After you watch the video, please join me and over 300,000 people who have signed a letter to the state Supreme Court, asking them to invalidate Prop 8 and reject Starr's case.

Thanks.

2009-02-06T12:01:00.003-07:00

Pay It Forward

{The Rules}
1. Be one of the first THREE bloggers to leave a comment on this post, which then entitles you to a handmade item from me - something crafty or yummy, who knows?!

2. Winners must post this challenge on your blog, meaning that you will Pay It Forward, creating a handmade gift -anything!- for the first THREE bloggers who leave a comment on YOUR post about this giveaway!

3.The gift that you send to your 3 Friends can be from any price range and you have 365 days to make/ship your item. This means you should be willing to maintain your blog at least until you receive your gift and have shipped your gifts. And, remember: It’s the Spirit and the Thought That Count!

4. When you receive your gift, please feel free to blog about it, sharing appropriate Linky Love! If you are not one of the Top Three Commenters on this post, you can still play along. Go ahead and start your own Pay It Forward chain, and encourage your blogging friends to do the same!SO, REMEMBER...Pay it forward!

Random

2009-01-25T12:54:00.003-07:00

Would there be anything wrong with growing up to be a crazy cat lady?

You might wonder why I would ask such a question. To be honest, I am not sure.

When you hear the moniker, "crazy cat lady" do you get a specific picture in your head?

Do you ever wonder what made her crazy in the first place? I do. At least I have an idea of what could have made her crazy. Or maybe I should say I know what makes me or has made me crazy.

Maybe she just got tired of the day to day ordinary grind of human existence and decided to really do her own thing. She must like cats.

I like cats too.

Perception

2009-01-16T12:29:00.000-07:00

From the Washington Post:

A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold December morning. In the next 45 minutes, he played six pieces by Bach. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that roughly a thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by before a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, then hurried up to meet his schedule.

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till without stopping, and continued to walk.

A few minutes later, a man leaned against the wall to listen to the violinist, but then looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly, he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tugged him along and tried to hurry him, but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head to look back all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars. Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and ticket prices averaged $100.

This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?

Recent Events

2009-01-13T21:04:00.004-07:00

I have been assimilated by the Facebook virus.
It was only a matter of time and resistance was futile. I kept putting off friends who said I should join.

"It's fun!" they would say, " you get to touch base with old friends from high school or whatever. "
"There's fun games and shit, you'll like it".

It took a 13 year old boy to convince me. My nephew has a Facebook account. I don't get to see him very often and I like knowing what is going on with him. So, I joined.

In a 48 hour period I had been contacted by several people from high school.

I have stated before that I went to high school in Elko, NV. When I graduated I left and really haven't looked back. I have never gone to reunions or looked people up when I went there to visit my sister.

I have to say that I have been overwhelmed by the response to my joining Facebook and I think I mean that in a good way. In high school, I wasn't popular but I knew just about everyone on some level. I didn't party and really didn't feel like I was in with the mormon kids either. I was just this loner weird girl who was trying to get through the experience the best she could.

I didn't look back...

I have now started to look back.

I have found that leaving and not looking back is something I have cultivated all of my life and I have come to the conclusion that this has not served me. I walked away from Elko, I walked away from most of my family, I walked away from the gay community, I walked away from the theatre. I have been facing feelings, thoughts, regrets, resentments and all sorts of stuff I should've dealt with years ago. I have also been reunited with some people who I have dearly missed.

Sometimes I find myself looking in the mirror and seeing a room full of strangers in the reflection. Well, its time I knew them for who they are.

more to come

2009-01-10T09:38:00.001-07:00

Catch Goat Wirx at the following venues:
(All dates are subject to change)

http://www.earthjam.org/ April 25-26

Trading/gifting opportunities at http://www.element11.org/ May 29-31

The Lamoille Country Fair June 28

Any and all Aspen Grove campouts. Check this link for dates http://aspengrove.magickdream.com

Hopefully more dates to come. If you are interested in something, please feel free to email me.

Full Equality

2008-12-30T10:38:00.005-07:00

http://www.fullequality.org/

I realize the issue referenced by the above link is an uncomfortable one for some of my readers. If this is the case for you, you can choose not to follow the link. I would hope that you listen to your heart and do what you feel is right for you.

This article was sent to me by a friend. Our local newspapers refused to print the ad. I am just trying to pass along information that is important to me as a lesbian and a supporter of equal rights for everyone.
Please follow the link and participate.
Thank you.

"No man can emancipate himself, except by emancipating with him all the men around him. My liberty is the liberty of everyone, for I am not truly free, free not only in thought but in deed, except when my liberty and my rights find their confirmation, their sanction, in the liberty and the rights of all men, my equals."-BAKUNIN.

http://www.fullequality.org/

Enthusiasm

2008-12-29T07:45:00.013-07:00

I really thought I was beyond the whole Christmas excitement...

My roommates and I agreed that we would not exchange gifts this year. This was good for all of us because we are lucky to have enough money for necessities.

Christmas eve, A and I were hanging out in the kitchen when J came home. He called us into the front room. Low and behold- there was a present there for all of us!!!!!!!
I really had no idea that I was still capable of squealing like a little girl and dancing around the room like I had just got a pony.

The name of our band is VernisChious Cannid. The members are headed by the spicy in pink Taco on guitar, goat rootin' around on bass, and the man who likes to bang on pots, daRt on drums. Rockin' in the free world!!!!

This is a pic of my friend Kimm. He is holding a real guitar he got for xmas. ROCK ON!

a quick note

2008-12-16T13:36:00.004-07:00

This is a crazy season. I work in a job that unfortunately gets to see the worst side of people rather than the best. In saying that though, I just want to send a shout out to all the wonderful, patient, lovely folks who I do get to talk to on the phone on a daily basis. Thank you for being nice. It goes so far in making this season really worth the effort. Thank you for your kind words and well wishes. Because of these wonderful things you make dealing with the assholes much easier.

goat

SPEAK THE TRUTH

2008-12-12T13:23:00.002-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fws4RxWtnOg&feature=related

Death of an Icon

2008-12-12T07:56:00.006-07:00

1950s pinup model Bettie Page dies in LA at 85

LOS ANGELES – Bettie Page, the 1950s secretary-turned-model whose controversial photographs in skimpy attire or none at all helped set the stage for the 1960s sexual revolution, died Thursday. She was 85.

Page was placed on life support last week after suffering a heart attack in Los Angeles and never regained consciousness, said her agent, Mark Roesler. He said he and Page's family agreed to remove life support. Before the heart attack, Page had been hospitalized for three weeks with pneumonia.

"She captured the imagination of a generation of men and women with her free spirit and unabashed sensuality," Roesler said. "She is the embodiment of beauty."

Page, who was also known as Betty, attracted national attention with magazine photographs of her sensuous figure in bikinis and see-through lingerie that were quickly tacked up on walls in military barracks, garages and elsewhere, where they remained for years.

Her photos included a centerfold in the January 1955 issue of then-fledgling Playboy magazine, as well as controversial sadomasochistic poses.

"I think that she was a remarkable lady, an iconic figure in pop culture who influenced sexuality, taste in fashion, someone who had a tremendous impact on our society," Playboy founder Hugh Hefner told The Associated Press on Thursday. "She was a very dear person."

Page mysteriously disappeared from the public eye for decades, during which time she battled mental illness and became a born-again Christian.

After resurfacing in the 1990s, she occasionally granted interviews but refused to allow her picture to be taken.

"I don't want to be photographed in my old age," she told an interviewer in 1998. "I feel the same way with old movie stars. ... It makes me sad. We want to remember them when they were young."

The 21st century indeed had people remembering her just as she was. She became the subject of songs, biographies, Web sites, comic books, movies and documentaries. A new generation of fans bought thousands of copies of her photos, and some feminists hailed her as a pioneer of women's liberation.

Gretchen Mol portrayed her in 2005's "The Notorious Bettie Page"

and Paige Richards had the role in 2004's "Bettie Page: Dark Angel." Page herself took part in the 1998 documentary "Betty Page: Pinup Queen."

Hefner said he last saw Page when he held a screening of "The Notorious Bettie Page" at the Playboy Mansion. He said she objected to the fact that the film referred to her as "notorious," but "we explained to her that it referred to the troubled times she had and was a good way to sell a movie."

Page's career began one day in October 1950 when she took a respite from her job as a secretary in a New York office for a walk along the beach at Coney Island. An amateur photographer named Jerry Tibbs admired the 27-year-old's firm, curvy body and asked her to pose.

Looking back on the career that followed, she told Playboy in 1998: "I never thought it was shameful. I felt normal. It's just that it was much better than pounding a typewriter eight hours a day, which gets monotonous."

Nudity didn't bother her, she said, explaining: "God approves of nudity. Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, they were naked as jaybirds."

In 1951, Page fell under the influence of a photographer and his sister who specialized in S&M. They cut her hair into the dark bangs that became her signature and posed her in spiked heels and little else. She was photographed with a whip in her hand, and in one session she was spread-eagled between two trees, her feet dangling.

"I thought my arms and legs would come out of their sockets," she said later.

Moralists denounced the photos as perversion, and Sen. Estes Kefauver of Tennessee, Page's home state, launched a congressional investigation.

Page quickly retreated from public view, later saying she was hounded by federal agents who waved her nude photos in her face. She also said she believed that, at age 34, her days as "the girl with the perfect figure" were nearly over.

She moved to Florida in 1957 and married a much younger man, as an early marriage to her high school sweetheart had ended in divorce.

Her second marriage also failed, as did a third, and she suffered a nervous breakdown.

In 1959, she was lying on a sea wall in Key West when she saw a church with a white neon cross on top. She walked inside and became a born-again Christian.

After attending Bible school, she wanted to serve as a missionary but was turned down because she had been divorced. Instead, she worked full-time for evangelist Billy Graham's ministr

A move to Southern California in 1979 brought more troubles.

She was arrested after an altercation with her landlady, and doctors who examined her determined she had acute schizophrenia. She spent 20 months in a state mental hospital in San Bernardino.

A fight with another landlord resulted in her arrest, but she was found not guilty because of insanity. She was placed under state supervision for eight years.

"She had a very turbulent life," Todd Mueller, a family friend and autograph seller, told The Associated Press on Thursday. "She had a temper to her."

Mueller said he first met Page after tracking her down in the 1990s and persuaded her to do an autograph signing event.

He said she was a hit and sold about 3,000 autographs, usually for $200 to $300 each.

"Eleanor Roosevelt, we got $40 to $50. ... Bettie Page outsells them all," he told The AP last week.

Born April 22, 1923, in Nashville, Tenn., Page said she grew up in a family so poor "we were lucky to get an orange in our Christmas stockings."

The family included three boys and three girls, and Page said her father molested all of the girls.

After the Pages moved to Houston, her father decided to return to Tennessee and stole a police car for the trip. He was sent to prison, and for a time Betty lived in an orphanage.

In her teens she acted in high school plays, going on to study drama in New York and win a screen test from 20th Century Fox before her modeling career took off.

___

Associated Press writers Denise Petski and Raquel Maria Dillon contributed to this report.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081212/ap_en_ot/obit_bettie_page

the-infectious-bettie-page.blogspot.com

I feel like a bright free spirited light has gone out.

goat

who knew?

2008-12-06T09:42:00.006-07:00

I experienced a miracle just now. I am at work. A woman just called because she received a catalog with a promotion code. She called to ask if that could be applied to her last order. I explained that at the time of the order the offer was not valid but would be happy to apply it as a one time courtesy... She then stated, "Oh, I don't want you to break any rules, please don't worry about it." She then went on merrily to place a new order. She didn't want to break any rules... what a gem. I happily took her order, applied the new discount promo AND waived her shipping just for fun! I was happy to do it. She was so nice and not pushy or bitchy. What a relief and so rare in what I experience on a day to day basis. Sad but true. To that woman in SC- thank you! Thank you for giving me a very bright spot in a very long and gloomy week! Happy Holidays! REALLY, I mean it.

Happy Holidays, NOT!

2008-12-05T09:40:00.011-07:00

Hey Assholes!

I am talking to the stupid fuckers who refuse to read the promotion/sale rules. The rules that state clearly: This promotion does not apply to...
and will then list what the promo will not apply to. This may include previous orders and already discounted items.

Just because you are rich does not mean that the rules don't apply to YOU.

You obviously can read because you got the email. Why?!? Why do you have to push it.

If you can afford to by a $1200 pair of boots or necklace on a whim do you have to be such a fucktard about gettting it on sale 3 months later, or even 3 days later?

It was a sale with a limited time offer. YOU missed it. Get over it. And don't even use that excuse- "I wouldn't have bought it then if I had known it was going to be on sale." The majority of gits who tell me this order from us no less than 6 times a month and spend and average of $500 in each order.

YOU CAN ALL KISS MY FAT WHITE ASS!!!!

And you yak dicks out there who call about having us stop sending you our catalog- I am not the one who put you on the list, I don't appreciate your abuse and anger. It was your own fucking fault for putting you name on a list somewhere.

All, let me say that again, ALL catalogs rent, sell and share names unless you specify that you don't want them to. Get over it. If you don't take the time to read then its your own fault- get off me!

OH! Just a quick note to all you last minute shoppers out there- waiting until the last minute and then ordering from a catalog costs more for you! And I, for one, have absolutely no sympathy for you. Do not try to talk me out of expedited shipping costs. It just isn't going to happen. Once again- shipping is a service.

Have lovely holiday season!

A cliche...

2008-11-28T08:46:00.014-07:00

At this time of year, we are often asked to speak of what we are thankful for. No one has specifically asked me that this year except I have asked it of myself.
What am I thankful for...?

I'm thankful for...

1. my health. I'm not getting younger so this has been on my mind lately.

2. the friends who over the past couple of years have been supportive without being a crutch. Those that would not give into attention seeking, approval needing behavior but would kindly tell me I was being a git and to pull my head out of my ass. THANK YOU for helping me to stand on my own!

3. my exes. I am so thankful you are no longer in my life.

4. a family that loves me. We don't see eye to eye on most things but we are amazing at loving each other anyway. I know I am always missed when I am not there and welcomed with open arms when I can make it to a gathering. I love you guys so much.

5. my coven. A second family. What can I say... these people have shown me ways to own my shit. I have had my mind and my universe expanded because of the things I have learned among you and so much more.

6. my job. I stated in my last blog that this is not an economy to be unemployed in. I feel that I am lucky enough to be doing something that is somewhat enjoyable. I am able to pay my bills and have a little left over on occasion. I'm lucky

7. my first kiss and every first kiss that came after that. That sweet sweet moment of glorious connection between two people. I hope I have many more.

8. the fact that my name is not on any catalog mailing lists. What a nightmare.

There is so much I am thankful for. The above list is by no means all inclusive.
I do need to mention one more thing though, before I post this blog. Feel free to sing a long...

To all the girls I've loved before
Who traveled in and out my door

I'm glad they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the girls I've loved before

To all the girls I once caressed
And may I say I've held the best
For helping me to grow
I owe a lot I know
To all the girls I've loved before

The winds of change are always blowing
And every time I try to stay
The winds of change continue blowing
And they just carry me away

To all the girls who shared my life
Who now are someone else's wives
I'm glad they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the girls I've loved before

To all the girls who cared for me
Who filled my nights with ecstasy
They live within my heart
I'll always be a part
Of all the girls I've loved before

The winds of change are always blowing
And every time I try to stay
The winds of change continue blowing
And they just carry me away

To all the girls I've loved before
Who traveled in and out our doors
We're glad they came along
We dedicate this song
To all the girls I've loved before

Why do we let the fat cats rule?

2008-11-25T13:31:00.008-07:00

An acquaintance of mine lost her job yesterday in the name of budget cuts.

I did not know this woman well. What I thought about her was that she was strong, independent and vocal about things she believed in. She felt passionate about where the company was headed and felt that she should speak up about it. I think she was let go to be silenced on top of "budget cuts". She was the only person to lose her job. Am I to believe that that solved the budget crisis? Well yes, I guess I am.

I have to wonder why the fat cats can't see their way into a reduction of salary, just for the time being until the economy turns around. What would be wrong with that? Executives all over the country could donate excess wages back to the labor pool and keep people employed. Is it unrealistic to think we should try to help one another? A voluntary stimulus package from corporate america.

And of course it is my fear of losing my job that keeps me from speaking out at work. Fear and the fact that as a bottom of the totem pole employee, I am not privy to all the facts.

I get a living wage and benefits. Good benefits. I call them golden handcuffs because to some extent that is what they are. I am lucky that I have health benefits. Maybe I would be more vocal if I feel I didn't have so much to lose or that there are scores of unemployed people out there who could easily replace me.

And in all honesty, I like my job. It isn't my ideal dream job but it is a good job and I work with good people. Amazingly good people. Up until I started working here I had no idea of what it was like to get positive feedback from a supervisor.

Anyway, I personally don't know the whole story of this woman who was fired. I do know that I will miss her.

A new sensation

2008-11-21T12:44:00.002-07:00

I was treated to my first pedicure ever yesterday. I can now see why these are so popular and why people would treat themselves to this delicious experience. Who knew?
I used to scoff at friends who did this. I just thought it was silly. I had no idea what I was talking about and freely admit that I was wrong.
If you never had one, I highly suggest it. Its worth the pampering.

Oh Think Again, Sir!

2008-11-18T16:18:00.003-07:00

I had it hammered home today that i really need to cut down my caffeine intake.

an intersting link

2008-11-13T18:43:00.002-07:00

http://www.couragecampaign.org/page/invite/SpecialComment

I encourage everyone to watch this.

Sincerely,

goat

To make a long story short.... to late

2008-11-13T08:47:00.007-07:00

I went to a protest last Friday where we, as gay people were asked to share our stories with people so that there may be better understanding. I am not sure where to start or what understanding I may help people have but here goes.

I came out on October 26, 1986. I was a PFC in the Army National Guard and busy learning my army job- 91 A- medic at Ft Sam Houston in San Antonio, Texas.

What lead up to this event? Did it start in the womb? I don't know. I remember my mother once telling me she knew I was different from the day I was born. Maybe it started with the crush I had on Karen Rasmussen. She was our next door neighbor and I couldn't have been more than 6 because we moved when I was 6. That was a busy year come to think of it because along with desperately loving Karen I also proposed to Nanette Horman. We were in the same kindergarten class. I thought she hung the moon.

I was quite the tomboy. I don't remember really feeling as if I were different from the other girls. I was pretty oblivious of kid politics unless it involved my little brother. I was his champion and he was my conscience. Poor kid was always in trouble for listening to me... anyway, at age 10 my best friend was Tracy. We were tight and I was wrecked when she moved to L.A. later that year. I met up her with after I came out and found that she had also. It was a good reunion.

When I was 12, our family moved to Elko, NV. Actually we moved to Spring Creek which is actually 15-ish miles south of Elko. The only really social contacts I had were through church. I grew up mormon. At 12 I was entering the young woman's program. To this day, I am not sure what that is all about. Are the sexes separated so that in those awkward years, the young people will be among others of the same sex who are experiencing the same traumatic and wonderful things, thereby feeling somewhat normal and safe? I can't say that that was how it was for me. When we moved I pretty much became an outsider in the social way of things. When all the teenage girl things started to happen, I felt confused and for the first time, I felt different.

As I moved on from jr. high into highschool and my peers started to talk about boys, talk to boys and date boys... I just didn't know what to do with that. There were boys I was friends with. (Many of them, I have since found out, are gay.) There wasn't really dating. I didn't date a lot. It just didn't interest me. I was asked far more than I accepted. It was just weird.

While trying to figure life out, I had many intense friendships with girls my own age. Intense meaning, I loved them, I was always wanting to hug them and be around them. Sometimes I scared them away and it took years for me to figure out why.

One big milestone was when I was 15. I was at the church with my freind Dena. I don't remember why we were there, Dena was a nonmember and I know it wasn't Sunday because i distinctly remember both of us wearing pants. We were sitting in the foyer on the floor and she was talking and I remember thinking to myself about how much I loved her. I then followed that thought with, "maybe I'm gay"... That caught my inner attention because I had never thought that before, I really wasn't even sure I knew what it meant, so I dismissed it. I never really thought about it again until my senior year in high school.

Monica... some people say that you never get over your first true love, for me it was her. I was a senior and she was a freshman. We met through my brother at a basketball game. She was absolutely enchanting. I was obsessed. The second semester of my senior year must have been hell for my folks. I had no idea how things appeared outside of my own little lavender cloud of denial. I just knew I had found the most wonderful friend ever. There wasn't anything physical about our relationship. It was just another intense friendship for me. As I stated before, I had no clue about being gay, that is until around April of that year when Monica went cold and evasive. After spending hours begging for her to talk to me she told me what people (her friends, her mom and random people at school) were saying. That we were dykes. I am sure the look on my face was comical because I really didn't know what that meant. When I figured it out I went to Monica and said that they were silly, we couldn't be dykes.

I didn't have any reasons to explain why we weren't other than the fear that people were saying we were. This was a really weird time for me looking back. There was a lot of tension between me and my mother. My dad was the bishop at this time and rarely home. I was a good kid. I didn't party- ever. No drinking or smoking. It didn't interest me so much. I spent most of my evenings over at Monica's, listening to music, watching t.v. and just hanging out. Sometimes, we held hands but that was it and that was just a show of affection. I was so totally clueless.

I graduated and went away to college. My roommate was Beth. I think she had more of a clue than I did. Also at this time I met a woman named Camille. She was the first lesbian I ever met that I know of. I didn't know it when I met her. She was fascinating and incredibly intense and I remember at one point she said she had something to show me. I asked her what and she looked into my eyes and then looked away and said, mostly to herself, "Not yet, you aren't ready". I really respect her for that. Because I have a feeling she was gonna help me out of the closet then and she was right, I wasn't ready.

During my freshman year I dated guys a little. I was proposed to 3 times. What was that about? It doesn't matter, I felt swept off my feet by Joseph Richard Costello in April of 1985. Between the time of my accepting his proposal and when we married, 1st of August the same year, I knew I was making a huge mistake but I had been caught up in a horrible momentum trap of my own making. The fact that in that short amount of time I started to see what a real asshole he was and I was completely at a loss as to what the hell I was doing didn't help. I just knew that I was doing what young women do in our church. I was doing what was right. It didn't matter that I still loved Monica (and she was pissed). It didn't matter that I don't think I ever loved Joey (hell I barely knew him). What I liked about him was his musicianship. I have had a lot of time to think about this and I know that his musical abilities were what attracted me. He played bass and classical guitar and he was really good. Worth marrying, no. Everyone could see it. I knew it but was pig headed and stubborn and was sure I could make it work.

Looking back, I really have Joey to thank for my coming out. If I hadn't married him, if he hadn't told me how stupid I was day after day and forced me to have sex with him, I may still be there, trying to do what is right according to the mormon church.

I left Joey after 8 months and the divorce went through in July. July 15, 1986. I joined the Army National Guard and the rest is history.

I remember my coming out as a liberation. I remember wanting to sing from the rooftops!

It took 2 more years before I came out to my family. I trusted my little sister with the news. That couldn't have been easy for her. I know it wrecked my dad.

The consequences since then have been well, enlightening. I was excommunicated. 4 years later I tried to do what was expected of me and was re baptised. I was then dis fellowshipped. Anyone who says that being gay is a choice is ignorant. Who in their right mind would willingly choose to be vilified and hated by society? Who would choose that? It isn't like gay people are accepted everywhere like VISA.

Since that time I was in a relationship with Toni. We were together for 14 years. I never wanted to marry Toni. I don't consider myself the marrying kind. Monogamy is hard for me. I think state sanctioned monogamy would be torture but I do understand that that is my opinion and it isn't shared by all people, gay or straight. There are many of my gay peers who want to be married. I think they should have that right- whatever it is called. Domestic partnership, civil union, marriage, eternal bondage... whatever it is called, the right should be for all people. Toni and I were together for 14 years. I wouldn't have legally married her if I were able BUT the right to do so should have been there and available.

I am not sure why people are so afraid. Two consenting adults want to pledge to be each others one and only, to have and to hold, in sickness and health, until death parts them. How is that scary and why should it be anyone's business except the two people involved? What would be wrong with two committed, consenting adults to have 1.) Health Benefits for their partners and families. 2.)Visitation Rights when a partner is hospitalized 3.)Immigration Rights for lesbian and gay partners of foreign nationals 4.)Social Security and pension survivor benefits AND 5.)Respect for our relationships.

This is my story in a nutshell. I hope that somewhere out there it may help to provide a better understanding to someone who may need it.

no nO NOOOOO!!!!!

2008-11-11T07:36:00.009-07:00

Toni,
After the house sold, I paid you close to $5000 dollars of my half of the money. That was the last thing I owed you. I paid it and then said I wanted no further contact with you.
I gave up my dogs. They are just dogs. I can tell myself that all I want. I gave them up so I didn't have to be anywhere near you.
I don't want to be contacted!
I don't want to come over to your vortex of shit and and watch the dogs that I am trying to not miss. If I wanted to see the dogs, I would come over and see them but the price is just to much! So don't call me and ask me to watch them because Lee has some family emergency. Sacrifice yourself. YOU don't have to go, you can watch them. I seriously considered doing it and asking for $1000 up front for the first week and $200 a day after that. Even though I REALLY need the money and it would feel so good getting some of that guilt pay off back from you, being anywhere near you or where you live is just not worth it to me. AND, there is a snarky little part of me that is really happy that you sounded so pathetic in the message you left almost begging me. I don't have to help you. I can finally say no to you with a clear conscience because I don't owe you a damn thing!!!! I am free.
So, don't contact me unless YOU are dying. Until that time (may it be soon you manipulative, money grubbing, shit magnet), DON'T FUCKING CALL ME!!!!

These are friends of mine

2008-11-10T12:46:00.005-07:00

That's right! I know the Claus's personally.
I can personally vouch that the Man does have a list and checks it twice.

If you would like to have The Claus's appear at a holiday event this season this is where you can go to find more info:

http://www.realwhiskers.com/

a prayer

2008-11-10T11:50:00.004-07:00

From the cowardice that shrinks form new truth,
From the laziness that is content with half truth,
From the arrogance that thinks it has all truth-
O god of truth, deliver us. Unknown

A Little Silliness

2008-11-07T08:44:00.004-07:00

My nephew, Scott, sent this silliness to me. I have seen some of these before but not all of them and in the interest of this being Friday(thank you!) I thought it would be fun to put here.

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle)
Lisizzle

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color and favorite animal)
Red Goat

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (your middle name and street you live on)

Dee 4170 S

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first two letters of your first name)
Quili

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (Your 2nd favorite color, and favorite drink)
Black Rockstar

7. YOUR IRAQ NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, 1st letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dad's middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name)

Iidaaa (i think this is my favorite one. it just makes me laugh)I'm the one on the left

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (Both parents middle name)
Kaye Charles- not to be mistaken for this guy

9. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one of your pets)
Black Eddie

10. YOUR STRIPPER NAME: (name of your first childhood pet and name of the first street you remember living on as a child)
Judy Fieldcrest Ln
Oh yeah! like I would put a whole picture up there!

Don't Panic... Yet

2008-11-07T07:14:00.003-07:00

Just a small voice out here in the wilderness with a word of caution: before you all go flying off the handle because the Antichrist (read incredible sarcasm here please) has been elected and the end of the world as we know it may be at hand, allow yourself a break from the spiteful rhetoric and thinly veiled fear mongering.
I have been sitting at work for the past 3 days listening to people panic because Barack Obama won the election. I hear lots of rumors about how all of our lives will now go to hell in a hand basket.
The truth is, this man won and there are probably a lot of us who don't know anything about him politically because you can't really count on a campaign to do anything but tell you what you want to hear. Good and bad.
So, as the title says, don't panic... yet. Please take a moment or two and cruise over to wikipedia.org
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political_positions_of_Barack_Obama
or this link
http://obamaspeeches.com/
and this one which is his congressional voting record
http://www.votesmart.org/voting_category.php?can_id=9490

There are plently of places out there the get legitmate information. Take the time to look and as I have said before, educate yourself. Fear and ignorance can go hand in hand.

Dear Amy

2008-11-05T08:31:00.006-07:00

I cannot guarantee that this post will make any sense. As stated in the title of this blog, I am more of a ranter. Please read with that understanding.

You said something last night that really kind of disturbed me. You stated that this current administration (Bush) was doing a fine job and everything was great until the democrats took over two years ago. This statement is not true. Its a gross generalization and I don't think one can blame anything on one party or another anymore.
Most of the the people who are now serving this country politically, voted for the war in Iraq.
This is a list of who did not: http://usliberals.about.com/od/liberalleadership/a/IraqNayVote.htm

UNITED STATES SENATE

In the Senate, the 21 Democrats, one Republican and one Independent who courageously voted their consciences in 2002 against the War in Iraq were:

* Daniel Akaka (D-Hawaii)
* Jeff Bingaman (D-New Mexico)
* Barbara Boxer (D-California)
* Robert Byrd (D-West Virginia)
* Lincoln Chaffee (R-Rhode Island)
* Kent Conrad (D-North Dakota)
* Jon Corzine (D-New Jersey)
* Mark Dayton (D-Minnesota)
* Dick Durbin (D-Illinois)
* Russ Feingold (D-Wisconsin)
* Bob Graham (D-Florida)
* Daniel Inouye (D-Hawaii)
* Jim Jeffords (I-Vermont)
* Ted Kennedy (D-Massachusetts)
* Patrick Leahy (D-Vermont)
* Carl Levin (D-Michigan)
* Barbara Mikulski (D-Maryland)
* Patty Murray (D-Washington)
* Jack Reed (D-Rhode Island)
* Paul Sarbanes (D-Maryland)
* Debbie Stabenow (D-Michigan)
* The late Paul Wellstone (D-Minnesota)
* Ron Wyden (D-Oregon)

UNITED STATES HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

Six House Republicans and one independent joined 126 Democratic members of the House of Representatives in voting NAY, on October 11, 2002, to the unprovoked use of force against Iraq:

Neil Abercrombie (D-Hawaii) Tom Allen (D-Maine) Joe Baca (D-California) Brian Baird (D-Washington) John Baldacci (D-Maine, now governor of Maine) Tammy Baldwin (D-Wisconsin) Gresham Barrett (R-South Carolina) Xavier Becerra (D-California) Earl Blumenauer (D-Oregon) David Bonior (D-Michigan, retired from office) Robert Brady (D-Pennsylvania) Corinne Brown (D-Florida) Sherrod Brown (D-Ohio)

Lois Capps (D-California) Michael Capuano (D-Massachusetts) Benjamin Cardin (D-Maryland) Julia Carson (D-Indiana) William Clay, Jr. (D-Missouri) Eva Clayton (D-North Carolina, retired from office) James Clyburn (D-South Carolina) Gary Condit (D-California, retired from office) John Conyers, Jr. (D-Michigan) Jerry Costello (D-Illinois) William Coyne (D-Pennsylvania, retired from office) Elijah Cummings (D-Maryland)

Susan Davis (D-California) Danny Davis (D-Illinois) Peter DeFazio (D-Oregon) Diana DeGette (D-Colorado) Bill Delahunt (D-Massachusetts) Rosa DeLauro (D-Connecticut) John Dingell (D-Michigan) Lloyd Doggett (D-Texas) Mike Doyle (D-Pennsylvania) John Duncan, Jr. (R-Tennessee)

Jesse Jackson, Jr. (D-Illinois) Sheila Jackson-Lee (D-Texas) Eddie Bernice Johnson (D-Texas) Stephanie Tubbs Jones (D-Ohio) Marcy Kaptur (D-Ohio) Dale Kildee (D-Michigan) Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick (D-Michigan) Jerry Kleczka (D-Wisconsin, retired from office) Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio)

This war is costing us and estimated $720 million dollars a day http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/09/21/AR2007092102074.html
This astronomical sum has helped to bankrupt this country.

Then of course there is the mortgage crisis There is really no one to blame but the American people themselves for this and also anyone in congress who voted to deregulate that particular industry but really, its the American people who should be blamed. Just because you qualify for a bunch of money doesn't mean you should take it.

When did we sell our brains and give up on being responsible? Why does it seem that we can't stand our government to be in charge but want to be taken care of? Why when something goes wrong is it everyone else's fault but our own? Stop blaming the other party.

As Americans, we have given up our rights in a search for security. We have let fear enter and run our lives. Amy you said you are afraid of Obama. Why? I really want to know. A majority in this country thinks that this man can bring about change. Some of that majority thinks he will just waive a magic wand and make their lives better. Ridiculous. This country is screwed up. We have lost our way in the journey to find life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and are now paying an incredible price. Do I think Obama can fix this? I don't think he can do it alone.

I listened to McCain's concession speech last night. It gave me respect for the man. I hope he will live up to what he said about working with the president elect. I hope that our elected leaders will take this time now, today to rethink a few things. I hope that the American people, all of the American people will be put forward as a priority and that we the people understand that freedom is not free.

Dear Amy, I love you sis. Your opinion matters to me and also the fact that we can obviously disagree and still like each other. You are one of my heroes!

And just for fun, here is a link to a WONDERFUL article sent to me by a friend. (thanks Jill) It sums things up pretty well.
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2008/11/05/notes110508.DTL

Obama

2008-11-05T07:04:00.004-07:00

The speech below was found here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ynews/20081105/pl_ynews/ynews_pl135

My comments follow the speech, if you are interested.

Remarks of President-Elect Barack Obama-as prepared for delivery
Election Night
Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
Chicago, Illinois

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference.

It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled - Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.

It's the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.

I just received a very gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and he's fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on that train home to Delaware, the Vice President-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last sixteen years, the rock of our family and the love of my life, our nation's next First Lady, Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia, I love you both so much, and you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the White House. And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my campaign manager David Plouffe, my chief strategist David Axelrod, and the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics - you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you've sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to - it belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington - it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.

It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give five dollars and ten dollars and twenty dollars to this cause. It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation's apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organized, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from this Earth. This is your victory.

I know you didn't do this just to win an election and I know you didn't do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime - two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century. Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mortgage, or pay their doctor's bills, or save enough for college. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America - I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you - we as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we know that government can't solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way it's been done in America for two-hundred and twenty-one years - block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began twenty-one months ago in the depths of winter must not end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek - it is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It cannot happen without you.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it's that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers - in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.

Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House - a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, "We are not enemies, but friends...though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection." And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn - I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world - our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down - we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security - we support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright - tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.

For that is the true genius of America - that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing - Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons - because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America - the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves - if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time - to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth - that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes We Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America.

Please sir, please, please, PLEASE live up to the words in your speech. Please be better than the lesser of two evils. You are an example of how a disenfranchised group in this country has truly persevered and over come. Can you now stand for those who are truly under represented? Those who's voices are truly being quashed, will you stand up for those of us who are still 2nd class citizens and and targets of religous zealots. I am speaking of your lesbian and gay constituents, sir. Will you truly embrace the diversity of an American people and let them all be equal? I for one, hope so.

GET OUT AND VOTE!

2008-11-04T07:08:00.001-07:00

No fancy message, just go vote!

My Friends Call Me Goat

2008-10-28T12:29:00.004-06:00

Well, they do.

This was the costume I made for an annual Halloween party we have here in Salt Lake.
I had a lot of fun running around as a Satyr for the evening .
Hope the picture makes you laugh. It was a fun evening.

A Voice of Reason

2008-10-28T08:47:00.003-06:00

This was sent to me by a friend. I found it has some valid points. He didn't know the source and there are so many sites with commentary on them. I found it impossible to find the source of this. I do want to state that I agree with the man who wrote this. I hope this fosters thoughts, conversations and discussions.

This post is in response to recent opinions and editorials by certain individuals who contend that majority vote should override judges' rulings in civil-rights cases such as with California's upcoming "Proposition 8" ballot measure.

Civilized people can hold "different belief systems" and still coexist peacefully; this country is a true melting pot and its diversity in racial, cultural, and sexual orientations benefits us all. Trying to deny EQUALITY to a minority segment of the population, even in the name of faith, is still discrimination, unjust and wrong. In the distant past, the majority of the population in the South were white and overwhelmingly favored slavery. If the majority had been allowed to continue to decide law, without the wisdom and the intervention of wise individuals, blacks would still be slaves. They would also be prohibited from entering many restaurants, restrooms, schools, etc. if subsequent action had not been taken by so-called "progressive" and "activist" judges and civil-rights leaders in the not-so-distant past.

We're all here now in supposedly more enlightened times. It is more than ironic to me--it's appalling--that the "Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints" has become this hypocritical, intolerant, political-interference machine, especially with its own history of nontraditional marriage and its even longer history of being a persecuted minority. Rather recently, in several states, there were extermination orders written into law decreeing it legal and justifiable to shoot Mormons on sight (up until 1970 in Ohio and 1976 in Missouri, for instance). Needless to say, such laws should never have been allowed to exist even though they were passed by a majority of citizens of those states at the time.

I have numerous LDS loved ones, family members and friends, some more progressive than others. I cherish them all for who they are. I'm thoroughly vetted and advised in their doctrine and customs, and I've attended their churches, so my associations with them and opinions about them are not based on simple ignorance or inexperience. With all due respect, I'm glad to have them in my life even though their chosen organization abuses its tax-exempt status by continuously interfering with government and politics in its efforts to oppress me. In the spirit of "Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin", a Mormon adage frequently offered as the standard anti-gay compromise.. . If I were to be completely frank with my Mormon friends, I'd admit that I view their beliefs in essentially the same fashion that so many of them have conveyed regarding my sexual orientation: as something that is illogical, freely chosen, and deserving of silent disapproval. However, I still understand that religion is personal and people's right to their faiths should be respected. There are also some "stalemate" topics not worth arguing about because people tend to cling to what they want to believe, no matter what. Beliefs and religious faiths are further ingrained in most of us based on our own life experiences (or lack thereof), so I've always tried to forgive people for their ignorance. However, regardless of my anti-Mormon beliefs, (i, goat, do not consider myself anti-mormon) I wouldn't even consider voting for any proposed measure that would prohibit people from practicing whatever faith they choose or, say, a measure banning Mormons from marrying each other. If my Mormon friends were facing what gays are facing presently, my principles would compel me to help them just as I would help to defeat injustices toward my atheist, straight, red-headed, Hispanic, or handicapped friends.

People choose religions, even from an array of religions that teach discrimination, oppression, and even violence as acceptable. People also choose to justify their hatred and ignorance by scapegoating it onto religion. If I were God, I would be affronted. If I were LDS, I'd be incensed that my tithing dollars are being used arbitrarily in a political discrimination campaign ($24 million in Mormon money on Proposition 8 so far). I did NOT choose to be gay; I simply AM gay because it chose me. I DO choose not to pursue a same-sex marriage for myself as I think it often brings more problems to relationships that are complicated enough. Still, the rights that come with legal marriage, hetero or homo, should be available to people equally, and so should the consequences of divorce. It shouldn't be some ultra-liberal, radical notion to mind one's own business so that two consenting adults can live their lives together in the way they choose. It's so easy for people to be narrow-minded, arrogant, hypocritical, and self-righteous until they themselves become the disadvantaged minority. It should also be said that not all Mormons support this discrimination; there are vast numbers of them who want nothing to do with it. I implore my Mormon friends to remember their own roots and try to imagine themselves having to walk in others' latter-day shoes when considering California's "Proposition 8". This inhumane and unnecessary measure will eventually be remembered as yet another shameful part of our nation's checkered history.

Just something I thought was funny and wanted to share

2008-10-26T12:35:00.005-06:00

I was cruising through some other blogs and came across what has become my favorite quote to date:

"Every time Sarah Palin winks, God kills a kitten." Lola Cola

Is it really that important?

2008-10-25T09:14:00.002-06:00

I get calls from customers that are upset about something with an order. They will rant on for a couple of minutes telling me how we screwed up and ruined little Jimmy's birthday because of this or that reason.
They make it sound like it is the end of the freaking world. I listen patiently, apologizing profusely and then when I ask them what the order number is they either have no idea or the said event was months ago. I then at that point have to wonder about all the auditory theatrics I have been listening to. If it was really that important, one would think you would have more of the details? If you wanted us to rectify it in some manner because it was so important, you would think you'd have that order number tattooed on you in plain sight. I mean, it was little Jimmy's birthday! He is your second cousin's best friend's nephew and he just turned 2! The end of the world is upon us and you can't waste you time in keeping this important information so you can call and have us refund you shipping costs or give you a discount. NO!

And when I finally locate the order, which was 3 months ago (but still, little jimmy, don't forget he was crushed) and then try to do my job you get pissy with me and tell me what a bad company we are. I just love it when customers heap abuse on me. Let me tell you, it really turns my crank.

Bar gits

2008-10-24T09:43:00.005-06:00

For all you guys out there that have conquest issues.

When attempting to pick up a lesbian in a bar remember that she is a lesbian and does not want to hear about the size of your penis.

She will see right through your smarmy pick up lines because she has probably used them herself.

If you think you are clever, you aren't.

Nine times out of ten, if you meet a lesbian in a straight bar, she is there with friends. Do you really think she is interested in you?

If she had a dollar for every time a guy has said to her, "my wife is really into the lesbian porn thing, would you be interested in a three-way?" she would be really fucking rich. This does not mean she would take you up on your offer.

If you think along the lines that women are lesbians because they haven't met the right man yet, you are most assuredly not the right man.

Just because you like women too does not mean you are a lesbian. It means you are a heterosexual man.

If you want to buy her drinks, great! Don't assume that because you are buying her a drink she is interested in anything that has to do with you sexually.

If she says she is not interested generally this means she is not interested. REALLY. No hidden code there.

Invictus

2008-10-23T11:11:00.005-06:00

I have spent the last week thinking. I have alot of stuff on my mind and it seems impossible sometimes to get it out on "paper"

The economy worries me, the state of the nation and the election of a new leader, worries me. The fact that I am one of the many who lives paycheck to paycheck, worries me. Apathy, this culture's greatest enemy (in my opinion) worries me. This is a small example of the large list of things I have in my head.

Am I different from any other person in these things I worry about? I seriously doubt it.

The thing is, yesterday I was participating on a yahoo list I belong to. A friend of mine from that list posted this:

INVICTUS

Out of the night that covers me
Black as the Pit, from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
for my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.

Its by William Ernest Henley. Talk about adversity. Go to wikipedia and read about that guy. Wow.

I read that and found myself with a feeling of release which filled me with a sense of wonder, like I wonder what I was needing release from. All those worries and cares had seemed to slowly but surely put a weight on me that was dragging me down and it happened so slowly and gradually. It's amazing how sneaky a mind can be. It was all at once empowering to be reminded that I am the master of my fate. Its breath of fresh air, the ability to stand up and take responsibility for myself that gives me strength. To not be a victim of circumstance of any kind. Does shit happen? Everyday, every damn day. I square my shoulders and face it head on. Its called life and I refuse to live it unconsciously.

What's Important?

2008-10-14T09:16:00.004-06:00

I saw this quiz on a friends blog. It made me think about things (physical, spiritual and mental) and what I hold as important in my life.

All About Things Quiz

1. One thing I'd grab if my house were on fire......
My backpack. It has my wallet and calender, a good book or two and usually my phone, ipod and tarot cards in it. All the rest is just stuff, replaceable. Yes the back is replaceable too, as is the stuff in it.

2. One thing I wish I could throw away.....
INSECURITIES

3. One thing I'll never ever throw away.....
I don't think I can answer this, there may come a time when its an "all or nothing" kind of deal. The interesting thing about these questions is that it isn't all in the physical context.I am a human being, ever changing and growing. there may come a time when what serves me now, is no longer needed, no matter how precious.

4. Something I lost and still miss.....
Innocence

5. Something I've kept since childhood.....
A sense of fair play

6. A food item I never run out of.....
Top Raman. its cheap!

7. A household brand I'm very loyal to.....
Neosporin

8. Something I sleep with every night.....
A nest of pillows. Beats sleeping alone...

9. One thing that's on my wish list.....
A Honda Shadow, brand new and lifetime of free fuel

10. Something I take with me wherever I go.....
My ID

11. Something that makes me smile when I see it.....
Any sunrise

12. Something my children fight over.....
ummm....

13. Something I hate to clean.....
I am by no means a neat freak but I can't really think of anything I absolutely hate to clean. Cleaning is just one of those things that has to be done but I don't hate it.

14. Something I show off when people visit.....
Anything I have been working on. This may include but is not limited to, jewelry, woodburning projects, various and sundry other stuff and this blog.

15. Something I hide when people visit.....
Nothing that isn't already hidden

16. Something I'm embarrassed to admit I like.....
If you know me, you know that I am not embarrassed to admit much so this question is kind of moot for me...

17. Something I collect.....
Sticks, wooden boxes, bits of junk to make jewelry out of. Honestly I am a magpie

18. Something I avoid at all costs.....
Contact with most of my exes

19. Something that reminds me of my mother.....
Strangely enough, my laugh

20. The best gift I've ever received.....
LIFE! ain't it grand?

BE EDUCATED PT 2

2008-10-10T08:55:00.004-06:00

Well I am more than happy to considered a radical, paranoid, conspiracy theorist freak for posting the following link.

http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/

This came out a couple of years ago. Also on the site there is now an addendum movie that was added on 10/2/08. You don't have to watch these but I strongly suggest you do. Both movies are a couple of hours long each. You don't have to download them but there are links to do so, right on to an ipod if you fancy to do so.

I don't post this to fuel the fear, I post this that people may have more information. I post this to hopefully piss people off. What is it going to take to make the American people stand up and say, " I am mad as hell and I'm not gonna to take it anymore!!"

Again, and I cannot stress this enough, become educated and be sure to vote. Exercise your rights of free speech. Speak out and be proud to do so. If you don't agree with someone, including me, feel free to let me know. I am all for fostering discussion and dispelling mystery and myth. Question everything.

BE EDUCATED

2008-10-02T21:07:00.010-06:00

The time is coming for what I believe will be one of the most important elections this country has ever faced.
Be educated in your vote
I have provided a links to the candidates for both parties. Make an educated choice. We, the american people, deserve more than what is being offered. Vote for the one that least offends your intelligence.

www.wikipedia.org is also a great site. Just put in the candidates name.

www.4president.us/2008websites.htm

www.4president.us/websites/2008/barackobama2008website.htm

www.4president.us/websites/2008/joebiden2008website.htm

www.4president.us/websites/2008/johnmccain2008website.htm

gov.state.ak.us/

www.votenoneoftheabove.us

Remember that those who refuse to study history are destined to repeat it.

2008-10-01T12:59:00.002-06:00

"How do you get very far if you don't know WHO you are?

How do you do what you ought if you don't know WHAT you've got?

And of all the things in front of you,
if you don't know which to do,
then what you'll have when you are through
is just a mess, without a clue
of all the good that could come true

if you knew WHAT AND WHICH AND WHO.

~Winnie the Pooh
from the Tao of Pooh
by Benjmin Hoff

Freedom, Entitlement, and Complacency

2008-09-26T14:08:00.006-06:00

Now there's a lofty title. Freedom and Entitlement. The american people have the freedom to get a loan. They feel entitled to get as much as they can. They then get as much as they can whether or not it is wise to do so. They then have difficulties paying the payments and default on the loan(s). This has happened to millions of people in this country and it seems to me that then we want the government to clean it up, help us out... because, it wasn't our fault for not being responsible. The money was offered and boy howdy, we took it! YEEEEEEHAAAAWWWW!!!!!

In the current economic crisis, I really don't know who is to blame. I think we are all a part of a majorly messed up whole. We are all to blame. Having the government bale us out is one option. Is it the only option? I honestly do not know. I don't think we have been given a choice.

What I do know is that I am frightened of what is coming. Bale out or not, we are in for a good hard kick in the american ass on this one and we have no one to blame but ourselves. Remember that when you go to vote this November.

About that voting, wouldn't it be nice to have your vote count no matter where you lived? I think the electoral system should be abolished. I would really like my vote to be counted. I live in Utah. Its a RED state. I would say that I am not a republican or a democrat. I am registered as an independent. I don't like either candidate for president. I haven't for the past several elections. Its sad really. What is it going to take for the american people to stand up and say, "The lesser of two evils is no longer good enough! We want someone who is honest, ethical and responsible! Someone we can believe in!" Was it ever like that? Power and greed. The great corrupter of men. I feel so powerless.

Here is an interesting article. http://www.marketoracle.co.uk/Article3656.html

Food for thought and have a nice day. I have to admit that I am finding it hard to make lemonade out of this and am open for suggestions.

eddie

2008-09-23T15:28:00.004-06:00

Here he is! My newest furry freind. His name as the title of this blog says is Eddie. He belongs to my roommates, April and Jason and is a pistol. He likes to watch t.v. and has a habit of barking at some programs. My understanding is that this certain trait did not begin until he watched the Olympics. I wasn't living here then and have to wonder why that event would inspire him to speak.

In the picture he is on my bed and he really didn't want his picture taken. Can you tell by what I think is a very disgruntled look on his face? It's like he is saying, "FINE"

Here he waiting for a treat. I am holding it in the hand that isn't holding the camera.

And here he is playing dead. I said "bang bang" and this is what happens. Funny how dignity goes all to hell when a treat is involved.

some time off

2008-09-22T14:01:00.004-06:00

I have this week off at work. Taking the time off was a voluntary choice. It just happened to work out with my budget. Will the choice make me short in the future? Considerably, but temporarily. My rent will be paid, I have food and gas money to get me through. Not participating in a lot of other activities is, well, fine with me. I chose this time to be for me.

Its cliche, but at this time of year, things are getting ready for the long sleep of winter. The Dark Time. Its time for introspection and putting things in order. I have taken a little time off so that I may get myself in order before work turns into the mad rush of x-mas and demanding people. I want to put my world in order so that when I am exhausted I have a place of refuge. I am not just speaking of my physical place either.

This is a time of year where one needs to take stock of those things in one's life. What serves and what doesn't? Can you accept responsibility, or do you need a hand in doing so? Are you willing to pay the coin? Can you move aside your ego and ask for help? Be careful what you wish for... Not and admonishment but a suggestion to help clarify intent.

So, at this time of year, take a moment for yourself to take stock of your life. Take a good look at the things you feel are important to you. Re-evaluate, take stock and chuck the crap that doesn't serve you. Create that vacuum for the universe to abhor. Let things go so more things can come to you.

Happy Mabon!

just because

2008-09-18T12:52:00.002-06:00

I think this states how I am feeling in the current political climate. With the choice before us, why not just write this fella in.

Cthulhu is a giant fictional creature, one of the Great Old Ones in H.P. Lovecraft's Cthulhu Mythos. It is often cited for the extreme descriptions given of its appearance, size, and the abject terror that it invokes. Cthulhu is often referred to in science fiction and fantasy circles as a tongue-in-cheek shorthand for extreme horror or evil.

That said, how could he be worse than the man in office now? (For those who don't spot sarcasm, that was it. It was also a rhetorical question.)

oh my stars and garters!

2008-09-18T10:06:00.001-06:00

Pentagram
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A pentagram (sometimes known as a pentalpha or pentangle or, more formally, as a star pentagon) is the shape of a five-pointed star drawn with five straight strokes. The word pentagram comes from the Greek word πεντάγραμμον (pentagrammon), a noun form of πεντάγραμμος (pentagrammos) or πεντέγραμμος (pentagramos), a word meaning roughly "five-lined" or "five lines".
Pentagrams were used symbolically in ancient Greece and Babylonia. The pentagram has magical associations, and many people who practice Neopagan faiths wear jewelry incorporating the symbol. Christians once more commonly used the pentagram to represent the five wounds of Jesus and it also has associations within Freemasonry. The pentagram has long been associated with the planet Venus, and the worship of the goddess Venus, or her equivalent. It is also associated with the
roman word lucifer, which was a term used for Venus as the Morning Star, associated with the bringer of light and knowledge. It is most likely to have originated from the observations of prehistoric astronomers. When viewed from Earth, successive inferior conjunctions of Venus plot a nearly perfect pentagram shape around the zodiac every eight years. The word "pentacle" is sometimes used synonymously with "pentagram", although their technical usages are different, and their etymologies may be unrelated.

WHEW!

You may have noticed that satan was not mentioned in the above information.

I would like to address this to the woman who called my place of employment and spent 45 minutes going through our catalog with an agent on the phone pointing out how many of our things had stars and that we are all satan worshipers. YOU ARE AN IDIOT and one of the reasons this country is going to hell in a hand basket. For one thing, to spend that much time venting to someone about something so retarded, is... well its just asinine, and the fact that you obviously have no clue as to what you are talking about is obvious. There are no pentacles in our catalog and even if there where (and there aren't) they are not satanic!

Etymology: Satan, (Standard Hebrew, Satan'el), is a term that originates from the Abrahamic faiths, being traditionally applied to an angel in Judeo-Christian belief, and to a jinn in Islamic belief.
While Hebrew ha-Satan is "the accuser" and Satan itself means "to overcome" — the one who challenged the religious faith of humans in the books of Job and Zechariah— Abrahamic religious belief systems other than Judaism relate this term to a demon a rebellious fallen angel, devil, minor god and idol, or as an allegory for knowledge or the enlightenment of mankind.

Soooo, looking at that, I could draw the conclusion that you were being accusatory and that would make your actions *gasp* satanic.

Of course, if I am going to use that logic I could also say that I am being satanic by trying to enlighten you. hmmmm

The fact still remains, there are no pentacles in the catalog and your ignorance is showing.

pagan pride day

2008-09-16T07:49:00.000-06:00

Saturday was Pagan Pride Day, here in Salt Lake.( http://saltlakeppd.org/ ) In the past I have vended at this event and had a pretty good time. I am not one for volunteering, or at least I wasn't until recently but this year, I did.
The reason I did is mixed. This year, 3 of my best friends(Tamara, Kayote, and Chrissy) had the job of Local Coordinators. They decided to not have vendors this year but to go with the original mission of The Pagan Pride Project ( www.paganpride.org ) which is to basically be for muggles. It is so that pagans can give information about our beliefs, dispel myths, network and make new friends. So I decided since I couldn't vend, I would give back to the community that has supported my efforts in the past and volunteered to be the Registration Supervisor and I also volunteered to do a drum circle in the afternoon.

It all went swimmingly! We arrived at Murray Park at 8 a.m. for set up with the event starting at 10:00.

This year was going to be different for several reasons. As I stated above it wasn't going to be a free for all carnival where weirdos show up in capes, hats and staffs ready to spend big bucks on pagan trinkets. This was the year we spent money on advertising. We had adds in the Trib, the D-news, In Salt Lake, The City Weekly, Q Salt Lake, The Catalyst and a voice over done by yours truly on KRCL. This year we wanted to get word out to the general public and on Saturday, we had over 370 people show up! I was in charge of getting them signed in! It was something else.

Also as the registration supervisor it was my job to coordinate where we were going to have our donations go this year. I picked the Utah Aids Foundation ( http://www.utahaids.org/ ) and am really happy to report that we collected 412 lbs. of non-perishable food items! I know how much because I was the lucky girl who sat and tallied all the stuff!

Speaking of weirdos, we were all still there, with hats on and smiles all around. People came and stayed. People, lots of people attended workshops and the drumming was amazing. The whole "no vending" thing was an experiment and it went so well. I had a really long day but I am still buzzing about now. I told Tamara that if she needed me, I would do it again next year. WOW! Who'da thunk it?

All and all a really positive experience. I admit I am surprised that I feel the way I feel. Before the event I was planning on just dropping out of sight and not doing anything here in Salt Lake ever again. I am really happy that I had the opportunity to meet so many wonderful people. I met so many people I had never seen before and they all wanted to know about paganism and that is GREAT!

Here is a photo link! ENJOY!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/wolfrose/sets/72157607299586081/

please read the fine print

2008-09-11T12:28:00.000-06:00

Take 2!

I had this all written up and previewed it and went back to spell check and it erased! So now I will attempt to recreate my brilliance, unlikely as that sounds.

I work in the customer service industry.It pays the bills. I am fortunate (?) enough to have a job answering phones at a small catalog company who's target audience is board, rich women. There are alot of things about these women I might find admirable, unfortunately alot of them have what I call the "I'm Entitled" syndrome. I am not sure how one gets this illness but it seems to run rampant in a good number of our customers.

Here at ******** (name withheld so i don't loose job) we have an amazing returns policy. It basically stated that if you are unsatisfied in anyway with the product you ordered, no matter when, you can exchange it for new one, or return it for a full refund. This leads some people to "renting" our stuff. Buy a new dress for your trip, wear the hell out of it and then return it when you get home for your money back. This bothers me but what bothers me more are the people who buy something and then call to have the shipping refunded. I am sorry but I don't like to refund shipping. Shipping is a service. If we ship something to you and it arrives in one piece in good time whether or not you like it now that you have, you should pay for that. That is how I see it. Now if we made some sort of mistake, I will negotiate but other than that, pay for it. Life is not about wheedling freebies out of people who work for a living!

We are also kind enough to provide a return label will all orders. This label is amazing. You put it on the package, take the package to the post office and drop it in the mail slot. It is ensured, guaranteed and track-able. When we get the package we deduct a small fee of $6.95 from your refund. Its that easy. The instructions I just outlined are that simple and are printed clearly on the paper work. I am now going to give you an example of one of our customers:

me: thank you for calling ********, how can i help you?

cust: i would like to know why i didn't get all my money back on my refund.

me: did you use our return label.

cust: yes

me: there is a small charge for the label ma'am.

cust: *silence* where does it say that?

me: do you still have your receipt of the order?

cust: yes, i do. i am looking at it right now and don't see that anywhere on here.

me: please look on the right hand side above where the items purchased are listed... do you see the instructions for using the label?

cust: OH! yes i see it NOW. well, who is going to read that. not anyone i know. you should send out a letter along with this to inform us about the fee.

At this point I decided that I couldn't argue with that kind of logic. I mean really. wow

There is also the habit customers have of bullying agents into honoring sale prices after the sale has ended. I had a woman call and say she bought a very expensive coat ($750). She had waited a long time to purchase it waiting for it to go on sale but finally got impatient and then bought it. A month later it went on sale for $200 less. Being me, I apologized that that happened but refused to give in. She went on to lament that if she had known, she would've waited because she really couldn't afford it but bought it any way. She went on like this for a couple of minutes and I finally broke down and offered to refund her the difference as a one time courtesy. I thought I was magnanimous and doing a good deed. Well after she hung up, I got into the order to take care of the notes and such and discovered that she has been pulling this for the last 6 months on the same coat. She had been refunded several times by other agents and at this point had only paid $150 for the coat. I felt burned and really pissed off. This is the "Entitlement..." I mentioned. Its wrong wrong WRONG!!!

So, in experiencing all of these things, I have had to reevaluate my position in the customer service venue. We are all a part of this whether we are buyers or sellers. We need to remember that for services rendered there is a cost. For services offered there is an expectation. We are human beings on both sides of the coin and shouldn't take advantage of each other. I have had to check myself while waiting in line at wal-mart or the grocery store from becoming impatient with a checker who is obviously doing her best. It isn't her fault her manager isn't paying attention and hasn't got more checkers to help. Ya, know?

I don't mean to sound preachy. Really.

the first step

2008-09-10T20:09:00.001-06:00

Each journey begins with the first step and I am reluctantly starting on this one. As stated, I don't consider myself a writer. This is actually the first time I have bothered to use caps in I can't remember how long.

I don't have any goal other than to maybe put some of myself down and by doing so gain a better understanding of me. There will be time when this blog will contain strong, very course language. For example:
"Profanity is the linguistic crutch of inarticulate mother fuckers" Anonymous

I will do my best to make these minimal but you should know that I do consider myself to be an inarticulate mother fucker, in more ways than one.

So, here is my first step on what I hope will be a good journey. Not always, easy, beautiful and sunny but a good journey all the same.

And Amy, if you look close in the picture, there is a bridge... *snirk*