Friday, October 24, 2008

Bar gits

For all you guys out there that have conquest issues.

When attempting to pick up a lesbian in a bar remember that she is a lesbian and does not want to hear about the size of your penis.

She will see right through your smarmy pick up lines because she has probably used them herself.

If you think you are clever, you aren't.

Nine times out of ten, if you meet a lesbian in a straight bar, she is there with friends. Do you really think she is interested in you?

If she had a dollar for every time a guy has said to her, "my wife is really into the lesbian porn thing, would you be interested in a three-way?" she would be really fucking rich. This does not mean she would take you up on your offer.

If you think along the lines that women are lesbians because they haven't met the right man yet, you are most assuredly not the right man.

Just because you like women too does not mean you are a lesbian. It means you are a heterosexual man.

If you want to buy her drinks, great! Don't assume that because you are buying her a drink she is interested in anything that has to do with you sexually.

If she says she is not interested generally this means she is not interested. REALLY. No hidden code there.


Anonymous said...



The Nisbets said...

you should publish this stuff...I'm sure there are those out there that could benefit from your suggestions!

The Tess said...

Ya. Ya. Ya. Funny and all...but how do you think the gits in the bar are supposed to know you're a lesbian? Do you wear a t-shirt or a neon sign that proclaims it?

Just wondering. I mean you're scratchin' at them for making lesbian assumptions...but aren't you making them, too?

goat said...

no, he asked me if i was one and then started in on the c'mons.

the tess said...

??? Why would you even answer that question for some githead in a bar?

If somebody I didn't know came up and asked me about my sexual orientation I'd would tell them to mind their own damn business.

If you opened the door to discussion of a personal sexual nature by answering his question, why is it an affront that he continued in that vein?

I'm jus' sayin'....

goat said...

1. i didn't occur to me to not tell him. i am of the mind that if people have the guts to ask me, i tell them.
2. we actually had a nice conversation about things other than my sexuality. he bought a few rounds of drinks and i am thinking he was pretty sure if got me drunk i might have been more open to suggestion. it was when the pick up lines started and me telling him i wasn't interested time after time that he became tedious.

i don't mind being hit on. most of the time i find it flattering from men or women. its just when someone says they aren't interested- stop. if you don't understand that then i will feel free to write a blog about it.